Harry Potter and the weirdness of wizards
by ChAOtiC ReApEr
Summary: Story up for ADOPTION.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Harry Potter J.K Rowling does.**

**I was bored so I wrote this. Tell me if I should continue or not.**

Harry Potter woke up, he had the most amazing dream last night about this giant of a man telling him he was a wizard and that he was going to Hogwarts, he kept his eyes closed not wanting to wake up to the harsh reality of his life. As he laid there he heard a tapping noise and opened his eyes, happiness exploded in him and he felt as if there was a balloon swelling in him. He got up from under the huge coat of Hagrid's and opened the window to see an owl enter carrying a rolled up newspaper. It flew to Hagrid who was asleep on the couch and dropped the paper on his head; it then started pecking at him. Harry tried to shoo the owl away but it relented and carried on pecking Hagrid, "Hagrid there's a bird here; it dropped a paper and is pecking you." Harry said trying to rouse the giant. Hagrid just mumbled something about a centaur in a thong before saying sleepily "He wants money, give him three small nuts. It looks like a shriveled baby's testicle."

Harry then went to the coat and started searching in the pockets for some shriveled babies testicles, he searched through the numerous pockets and found things like mint sweets, keys, chocolate and he also found things like a whip, some rubber things that was rather oily and was stretched as if to fit a pole, some dead rats and even what looked like a half eaten kitten. Harry shuddered at what he found but finally he found three things that resembled a shriveled baby's testicle and put it in the pouch that the bird had attached to his leg.

Hagrid then woke up and started scratching his groin region while stretching and yawning wildly. They ate some of the clod sausages from last night and left on the boat that Hagrid had brought. Hagrid then tapped his umbrella on the side of the boat and it started speeding along on its own. This excited Harry as he was enthralled by seeing magic been done. He noticed Hagrid was reading the paper and mumbling about doing some 'toad lady' and he was still scratching his groin.

They reached the main land and started the long trek to London as Hagrid had said that was where they were going. They travelled by foot and also had to use two different trains. All along the ride on the trains Hagrid complained loudly about how muggles could do things without magic. He then took out what looked like a giant leather outfit and started mending it with a large needle and some cotton all the while mumbling about some rough unicorns, Harry watched him wearily as he did that and he also noticed that Hagrid was still scratching his groin but this time with vigor.

Finally they arrived in central London, as they were walking Hagrid pulled Harry into a dark narrow alley "Hold on there Harry, I just have to run a small errand."

They walked to what looked like a shop with painted windows, Hagrid told Harry to wait outside while he conducted his business. After a few minutes Hagrid came out and Harry caught a glimpse of some magazine covers with titles like 'giant jugs', 'animal farm', 'barely legal' and he also saw what looked like a giant French maids outfit. "What are those magazines for Hagrid?"

"Oh, these magazines are wankin- oh…um… there reading material for when I am alone and the outfit is for…um… a friend of mine, yes for a friend of mine."

Hagrid then led him to the front of a rather dingy looking pub called the Leaky Cauldron. They entered it and Harry wondered why the hell Hagrid was taking him into a pub. "Oh don't worry Harry this is the entrance to Diagon Alley, there we will be getting all your stuff."

When they entered Harry looked around and saw some rather odd people all over the place and kept close to Hagrid. Hagrid then in his infinite wisdom announced that Harry Potter had come back and pushed Harry in front of him. People then started coming towards him and started to shake his hand, one woman even came and said she was in love with him and if he could do the honor of signing her breast. Harry started to freak out as he saw that one was smaller than the other so Hagrid pushed him forward until they came to the back of the pub where they saw a man in a turban leaning against the wall. "Ahh Harry, this here is professor Quirril, he will be teaching you defense against the dark arts."

The professor leered at Harry and made some weird hand motions as if he wanted to grab Harry but something was holding him back. Hagrid seeing this got worried and grabbed Harry and held him close. Unfortunately for Harry Hagrid had shoved him in his groin area and started using Harry's face as a scratching post. Finally Harry freed himself and breathed in a deep lungful of air and followed Hagrid outside into the back area. There he tapped a few bricks with his umbrella and the walls opened up to reveal a hidden street. Hagrid told him that they would have to go to the bank at the end of the street t get some money and as they walked Harry wished he had a few more pairs of eyes as he saw shops selling cauldrons, books, clothes, ingredients for potions "ten galleons for a vat of bull semen, its madness I tell you." Harry overheard an old lady say.

They reached the bank and Harry saw some odd animal standing at the entrance and behind the counter. He asked Hagrid and Harry told him that they were Goblins. Hagrid gave in Harry's key and they were transported to his vault on a rollercoaster ride. As they were going at top speed Hagrid threw up and it hit some people below them. As they reached their vault Harry scooped up a whole lot of money into the bag the goblins gave him and left the vault as he looked around to see were was Hagrid he saw him using a rather jagged looking rock face to scratch his groin "Ohh yeah that's I baby right there."

Harry pulled Hagrid away giving him a weird look; they then set off to some other vault for some 'top secret Hogwarts business' as Hagrid had said. When they opened the vault Harry peeked inside and saw a rather odd looking thing on a pedestal, it was pink in colour and looked rather fleshy, it had a tuft of hair above what looked like a hole with what looked like folds around it, it also had a small sort of nub sticking a bit out just hidden by one of the folds. Hagrid promptly picked it up, sniffed it and gave it a lick before pocketing it. "What's that Hagrid?" asked Harry.

"Oh don't worry Harry, that's one of the wonders of the world that. It's called the Philosophers Pus- oh never mind you are still a bit young to understand."

They then went back to the Alley and started shopping for Harry's stuff. Harry started scratching again in public and Harry voiced his concern "Hagrid is something wrong?"

Hagrid then smiled at Harry and put his hand that he used to scratch himself on Harry's shoulder and said in a wise voice "Ah young Harry let me tell you a word of advice from an old man. If ever a female centaur comes and offers herself for free don't do it ok."

Harry looked at him weirdly and carried on walking towards the wand shop as that was one of the last items he needed. As they entered they saw an old man behind the counter. He measured Harry all over his body until finally he allowed Harry to start testing out the wands. For quite some time none of the wands Harry tried were working that is until Harry picked up something quite odd looking, it looked like a perfect replica of his willy and he found it odd that wizards would make a wand like that. He shrugged and started waving it about and then suddenly it started to vibrate, excitedly he shouted to Mr. Ollivander who was in the back of the shop looking for some more wands "This one is working."

As Ollivander came to the front with a package "he said, Ahh yes Mr. Potter the wand chooses the wizard."

But as he saw what Harry was carrying he hastily grabbed it muttering about telling his wife not to leave her toys everywhere. He then gave Harry one last wand. "This Mr. Potter is the finest wand ever made. It was made during the times of Merlin and is 10 inches of the finest oak and it contains the most powerful core ever."

"What is the core?" Harry said in awe as he waved the wand about sending sparks about.

"Its core is… one of Merlin's pubes." Said Ollivander in a whisper.

Hagrid clapped at him for getting his wand and they paid for it. They went out and Hagrid told him to g to the book store while he went to get something. As Harry walked he wondered about the bizarreness that is the wizarding world. He entered the book store and picked out his books and as he went to pay he saw a girl with brown bushy hair and brown eyes. He walked towards her and saw her reading a thick book.

"Hello, I'm Harry Potter."

"Hello, I'm Hermione Granger."

"Are you going to Hogwarts?"

"Yes and you."

"Yip."

"So il see you at Hogwarts."

"Yeah il see you there."

"Cool."

With that Harry paid for his stuff and walked outside looking for Hagrid. He saw Hagrid walking towards him with what looked like an owl; it was white and snowy looking. He gave it to Hagrid and they left the Alley were Hagrid took Harry to his uncles house and left him there where couldn't wait for September 1st.

**Please R&R.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Harry Potter J.K Rowling does.**

Life was good for Harry Potter, yes life was good. When Hagrid had left him back to his uncle's house he had thought that he was in for a hiding but he found there boggled his mind. It seemed that the spell Hagrid hit Dudley with not only gave him a tail but also addled his brains and oddly enough for the better. Dudley actually became cleverer and did not eat as much as before. Harry's aunt and uncle were so happy now that the food bill was lowered they gave Harry Dudley's second room, or it could be because they were terrified that Hagrid would come and do odd things to them but Harry did not care.

Time passed by and soon it was September 1st, the day he was going to Hogwarts. Hs uncle had given him a lift to Kings Cross and left him with all his school stuff on his trolley. Harry started walking around looking for platform 9 ¾ but couldn't find it anywhere. Luckily though when he was about to ask a police officer when it was a group of red head people walked past and Harry heard the word muggle being mentioned.

He turned around and saw a group of the oddest people. At the front was an old man who looked to be in his fifties, he was wearing a rather odd assortment of muggle clothes, he was wearing flip flops on his feet that squeaked when he walked, he had on a pair of shorts that were well above his knees and what appeared to be a woman's thong on top of that, for a top he had on a t shirt that had Cradle of Filth written on the front with a picture of a nun doing something odd and his head was completely bald with the exception of a few long strands of the reddest hair right at the top.

Next to him was his wife, she huffing and puffing and her eyes were large, it looked as if she wanted to just grab you and eat you. She was holding on to a small girl who looked terrified at her mother and it seemed as if her hand had been crushed.

Behind them was a tall boy who had his hair braided and was dancing about merrily and oddly enough his eyes were as red as his hair.

After him where two of the most serious boys Harry had ever seen, they both had constant frowns on their faces and had their clothes on in an impeccable way, nothing seemed out of order for them. They were pushing something rater odd on their cart. It looked like a large blob of cream colored stuff with a tuft of hair on the top. Harry thought it was some sort of luggage but as he looked closely he saw what looked like a hand slowly rise up and shove some sandwiches down what seemed to be its mouth.

Harry shivered in fear at their weirdness and decided against asking them for help opting instead to watch them. The tall boy with red eyes went first giggling like a little girl. He ran towards one of the walls and Harry watched closely to see what would happen and suddenly as the boy was about to hit the wall, he hit the wall smashing into it in spectacular fashion. He went down laughing like a mad man and bleeding from a cut on his head. The two serious boys then shook their heads and picked him up and then threw him through the next barrier. Harry stood their shocked at what he saw, they were actually walking through walls. By the time he came out of his shock only the father was left but as he was about to walk through he was tackled down by what appeared to be a priest. Suddenly it seemed to be a battle royal of some sort as priests and nuns came and just came pouring out a train and started clouting the man. They tag teamed him ad did all kinds of wrestling moves to him; one priest even did an elbow drop from atop a train. Harry quickly ran through the wall in fear. When he reached the other side he saw a rather wonderful sight. A bright red steam engine was there with many carriages behind it. Harry took in the site and started on in wonder until it all came crashing down when saw that he was looking at a huge poster that was situated right in front of him. He walked past it and saw a dingy rusty train that looked like it would break down at any moment.

He entered the train and walked along until he found a compartment where his friend Hermione Granger was sitting in, he entered that and stowed his luggage on the rack and then went and sat at the window and looked outside. He saw the red head family boarding the train leaving the mother and the little girl. The train then started moving and soon they were shooting past the country side. He and Hermione had been talking for quite some time and he was really beginning to like her. After some time the compartment door opened and the two serious red head twins entered pushing the human blob on what looked to be a floating skateboard. They looked at Harry and Hermione before speaking in a deadbeat tone "Hello, our names are Fred and George Weasley and this blob of flesh is our brother Ron. We heard that Harry Potter was on the train."

Harry looked at them with a slightly scared look on his face before speaking "Hello, I am Harry Potter and this is Hermione Granger."

The twins nodded and just sat down and stared at him. As they sat there Ron tried to grab Hermione With one of his fat hands but she quickly scurried away and sat on Harry's lap which pleased him somewhat. The twins grabbed onto Ron and started shouting at him to stop trying to eat humans. They sat down again and carried on staring at Harry. After a while Harry started to get nervous from their staring and soon couldn't stand it so he blurted out "Why are you staring at me like that?"

The twins carried on staring at him before replying in the same deadbeat tone "We know you are the son of Prongs. We want you to teach us how to be funny. You see we are only going to Hogwarts to learn how to become funny."

With that the twins nodded at the two and walked out of the compartment pushing their brother. Harry just sat there wondering what kind of world this was, it was extremely weird and he was beginning to wonder if it was the right place for him to go. He and Hermione started talking about how weird this world was with her still on his lap. About an hour later their compartment door was opened yet again but this time an old lady who looked drunk out of her mind held onto the door for support and slurred "Anything of the trolley dears?"

Harry was really hungry as he had not eaten in a few hours so he asked "What do you have?"

The woman tried to look at him but her eyes just could not focus and she said "Oh you know the usual. I got smack, crack, weed, speed, heroin; you name your high I got it. I got a huge variety of porno mags and I got a few shivs and knives."

Harry looked at her and wondered what the hell she was saying so he replied "Don't you have anything to eat?"

She tried to look at him as if he was mad but failed as it looked like she was constipated, she then said angrily "What the fuck you want something to eat for you dumb twat. You going to a boarding school, you need to be prepared you stupid dick." And with that she stumbled away from the door and slammed it shut.

After that it was beginning to get dark so they changed into their robes eagerly waiting for the train to stop so that they could go to Hogwarts. Soon it did stop and the call came over the train for them to leave their luggage, as it would be sent to Hogwarts later. Harry and Hermione joined the crowd of children and left the train. Outside Harry heard Hagrid calling out for first years, so he pulled Hermione towards the half giant. All the first years followed Hagrid up a cliff and their they got their first view of Hogwarts, it was simply amazing, it was a huge castle with many turrets and towers, there were lights coming from the windows and the castle just looked spooky and awesome. Hagrid led them to some boats were there were to be three children to a boat, Harry and Hermione were joined by a fat boy who introduced himself as Neville Longbottom. Of course Hagrid had his own boat and also Ron Weasley had his own which seemed to be made out of cast iron.

Hagrid sat in the boat right in the back. He then leaned forward and had a look of deep concentration on his face before letting out a massive fart which caused a massive wave to push all the boats forward. They flew forward like a speed boat and soon reached a dock close to the castle. Hagrid motioned for them to leave the boats and follow him up to a set of large doors. There he gave a large burp and knocked on the door three times smashing it down on the third.

**Ok so I got the dreaded writers block for The Veil of Time and a few guys wanted me to continue this story, so here is a new chapter I belted out. **

**Please R&R and thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Harry Potter J.K Rowling does.**

**Thanks goes to my beta MariusDarkwolf for doing a great job.**

As they stood there and waited for someone to come and answer the children peered through the now smashed door and saw an entrance hall of utmost beauty. It was filled with floating candles that gave of a soft warm glow illuminating the room in its entire splendor. The floor was of some sort of stone but was covered in a rich red carpet. The walls were adorned with amazing portraits that actually seemed to move. Sadly though all that beauty seemed to shy away when what appeared to be a hag came to the door.

She was wearing a set of dark tartan robes, pointed black shoes and a large pointed hat. Her face was spotty and pockmarked, her eyes were bulging and it looked as if she was surveying her dinner, her mouth appeared to have no lips at all as well. She then beckoned them forward into the entrance hall and glared at them. Nervously Harry gripped onto Hermione's hand as they waited for this woman to speak.

She then spoke in a loud raspy voice "Welcome children to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am Professor McGonagall. This castle will be your home for the next 7 years, unless you fail then it will be longer and if you decide to drop out then it will be shorter. Now in a little while you will enter the great hall were you will be sorted into your house. There are four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Now your houses will be like your family but remember that they are not really your family so you can sleep with them and it is not incest. There is also the house points, any good deeds will result in you receiving house points and any wrong doing will result in you loosing house points. At the end of the year the house with the most points will win the house cup. Now wait here while I go and check if everything is ready for you."

With that she opened the giant wooden doors behind her and stepped into that room shutting the door behind her.

"I wonder how they will sort us into our houses?" asked Hermione breaking the silence of the room.

The fat blob known as Ron Weasley who was now floating atop a piece of wood spoke up in a slow deep bellow "My brothers say that we have to face a troll to be sorted. Hmm troll, I wonder how they taste?"

All the children then broke out into whispers contemplating weather the blob was speaking the truth or not. Suddenly a loud shriek came from the other side of the room and all the children turned in union to see what appeared to be ghost floating through the wall towards them.

"I'm telling you fatty we cannot allow Penis to come to the feast. You know how bad he is, he can't look at a plate of food without covering it with his ectoplasm. Can you imagine how horrified the children with be."

"Oh tosh nosh Nicky. He is the life and soul of any party. This boring old feast has been the same for years and we need something new for a change. You the only reason he is not invited is because he did not want to give the bloody baron any advice in the downstairs department if you know what I mean."

Just then the ghost noticed that there was a group of children standing in front of them and they quickly introduced themselves as Sir Nick and the Fat Friar. Both hoped that the children would be in their own respective houses but before they could say another word Professor McGonagall entered the room and said that all was ready for them and that they were to follow her. So with a little trepidation the children all followed her through the large doors into the great hall. The room was huge and looked as if you could fit a few houses into it. The roof looked as if it opened to the heavens as you could see the stars twinkling. "According to Hogwarts A History almost a thousand years ago a drunk giant destroyed the entire roof and it has never been repaired since." Hermione whispered into Harry's ear.

There were 4 rows of long wooden tables with benches on either side, each table for the different house. At the head of the room there was another table were the teachers were currently sitting. As the new kids walked along to the front of the room the older children were making a few gestured towards them. A few of the girls were making a ring with the fingers of their one hand and with the other hand they made a fist and pushed it through the ring. A few others students held out their fists towards them and with the other hand acted as if they were reeling in with a fishing rod, as they did that the middle finger from their fisted hand slowly rose up and faced the new children.

The children finally reached the front of the room and stood there. Professor McGonagall then produced a three legged stool out of nowhere and placed what appeared to be a cheap looking baseball cap with 50 cent printed on it. She then stood aside and the entire school now stared at it waiting for something to happen. Suddenly the hat lifted up slightly and it began to sing in a drunken voice

"I'm a goofy goober! ROCK!  
>You're a goofy goober! ROCK!<br>We're all goofy goobers! ROCK!  
>Goofy goofy goober goober! ROCK!<p>

"Put your toys away"  
>Well I got to say when you tell me not to play<br>I say NO WAY! No way no no no no no no way!  
>"I'm a kid" you say.<br>When you say I'm a kid I say "Say it again."  
>And then I say Thanks! THANKS! Thank you very much.<p>

So if you're thinking that you'd like to be like me  
>Go ahead and try.<br>The kid inside will set you free!

Hamella bebela zimela boebela hamella bebela zimela bam

I'm a goofy goober. ROCK!  
>You're a goofy goober! ROCK!<br>We're all goofy goobers! ROCK!  
>Goofy goofy goober goober! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"<p>

Midway through his song though the hat seemed to slump down and began to snore loudly. McGonagall shook her head and stepped forward holding a piece of parchment.

"Now when I call your name you will step forward and I will place the sorting hat on your head and he will choose which house you will go.

(Blah blah blah forwarding along unimportant people.)

"Hermione Granger."

Nervously Hermione let go of Harry's hand and walked and sat on the stool were McGonagall placed the sorting hat on her head

"Well hello there young one which house would you like to go to now?"

"Umm I don't really know I really want to be in the same house as my friend Harry Potter."

"Hmm interesting well if you suck my Velcro strap I'm sure I can make it happen."

"Hmm well if you don't put us in the same house I'll lick your Velcro strap with a blow torch."

"Gryffindor!"

The hat shouted out loudly and the house to the one end erupted in cheers. Hermione took of the hat and gave it a warning look before running off to sit at the table and gave Harry a thumbs up.

(Blah blah blah forwarding even more unimportant people)

"Harry Potter."

Immediately as McGonagall said his name the entire student population broke out in whispers and began talking about him. As he stepped forward to get sorted he caught snatches of conversations between the students 'Is that the real Harry Potter.' 'Look how tiny he is.' 'How big do you think his penis is?' 'Do you think he will sign my tits?'

Finally Harry found himself sitting on the stool and had the hat placed on his head.

"Hmm difficult, very difficult."

"What's difficult?"

"Look at those two blondes at the Slytherin table; it is very difficult to tell which has bigger boobs."

"Umm ok, could you sort me please?"

"I wonder what it would feel like to slide my rim between those jugs."

"I really wouldn't know, please sort me."

"Oh yeah baby it would feel so soft and silky, sliding up and down and up and down until finally I release my nylon threads."

"You really are scaring me now."

"Oh sorry kiddo I forgot you were there. Right now to your sorting, umm you seem to be well suited to go to Slytherin but sadly your girlfriend threatened me with a blow torch so you will go to GRYFFINDOR!"

The whole of Gryffindor rose up and cheered as Harry made his way over to them, some were chanting 'We got Potter, we got Potter' others were throwing their knickers and in a few casers boxers at him.

By the time he made his way to the seat next to Hermione he had a whole collection of assorted thongs (Some of which even had his face on them) which he gave to the twins sitting close by, they decided to pawn it off to earn some money to buy a few joke books.

The two now sat at the house table and watched the sorting finish finally when Ron Weasley ate the hat and was required to leave the room and pass it out. If one listened closely one could hear the hat screaming from the inside for a blowtorch.

Now that it was finally over the whole school was currently looking at the staff table staring at the middle were there was an old wrinkled man sleeping and drooling on his golden plate.

McGonagall was sitting next to him and when she realized that he was not going to get up and make his speech she nudged him hard in the ribs causing him to snort loudly and wake up in a daze "Yes children that is why you should always use protection when copulating with the fairer sex. Not using protection could lead to tiny dick syndrome, no dick syndrome and even death by embarrassment."

With that said the old man smiled benignly at the school of now distraught and confused children. Then again McGonagall smashed her fist into his ribs and whispered in his ears furiously before he stood up again and spoke "Ahh, sorry about that, I was just reminiscing about the good old days but now on to more important things. Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have a few warnings to give out before you all feast away and rot your teeth so here goes; as always the forbidden forest is out of bounds to all, but if you do feel the need to commit suicide go ahead and enter the forest as it will save us a lot of paper work, Professor Sprout has asked for any students interested in the dru- pharmaceutical trade to please contact her, Madam Pince had warned that the next time any student masturbates on her precious books she will clamp that very same book on his genitals and finally the third floor corridor on the right hand side is out of bounds. Thank you and enjoy your meal."

Almost instantly food appeared out of nowhere on the house tables. Harry and Hermione looked on in wonder as food of all kinds where served up. They both took a little of everything and began eating. Suddenly a sound like a gunshot was heard and a grappling hook was shot up in the air from the entrance, it wrapped itself around one of the wooden beams still left in the ceiling and a man appeared to sail across the students landing at the staff table where he took off his bat like suit and mask showing a greasy haired hook nose man wearing black robes.

Harry gasped at this and asked the twin nearest to him "that's Batman!"

The twin gave him a board look "That's Snape, he is the potions teacher. Nobody knows why he wears that other costume; I mean he does like a bat and all, but he does take it too far. He says that he is fact fighting crime and stuff but we all think he must be sniffing a few fumes."

Harry just looked in awe at Snape who was also currently looking at him and sneering.

As Harry surveyed the table Harry asked the twin "Who are the other teachers?"

"Well the tiny midget currently peeking under McGonagall's robes is Flitwick, he teaches charms; they say that he won the hide and seek championships 10 times. McGonagall teaches transfiguration, Snape teaches potions, the one with red eyes and smoking a cigar is Sprout and she teaches Herbology, Hagrid teaches a few illegal classes as well, how to mate with forest animals and how to make homemade beer and there are a few other teachers as well."

By the time Harry and the twin finished their conversation the feast had finished and everyone was now again staring at Dumbledore. He stood up and said "And now it is time to sing the school song, everybody pick a tune," and with a flick of his wand words appeared in mid air and a group of midget ninjas poofed in front of the staff table and set up a few electric guitars and a drum set and the school began singing

"Satanized, crucified, feel the wrath of suicide  
>Incus fear of the sphere, angel darkness disappears<br>Covenant, blasphemous, open up unholiness  
>Father Satan, let me just unholy sins<p>

Suicide sacrifice  
>Destruction of holy life<br>Blood of unholy knife  
>Satan I sacrifice<br>Behold the crucifix, symbol of sterility I am crucifix  
>Satan Suicide sacrifice, profeasting evil night<p>

Lust into reality -  
>Satan Angel of the black abyss,<br>Satan lord I hail  
>Insane blasphemous - Satan<br>Sacrifical suicide,  
>Ritual to end my life<br>Behemoth incess my fate - Satan  
>Damned to tell, end of my life<br>Wrath of God - Satan  
>Sin my soul, blesses with fire<br>Throne of stone - Satan  
>I must die, in my wake<br>Seventh gate - Satan  
>Suicide, end my life<br>I must die - Satan  
>Suicide sacrifice, thrust of evil deep inside<br>Lucifer never lies, take away thee mortal life  
>Demigod, Satan son, commend to body to the ground<br>Father Satan, I'll find peace when I am God

Suicide sacrifice  
>Destruction of holy life<br>Blood of unholy knife  
>Satan I sacrifice<br>Behold the crucifix, symbol of sterility I am crucifix  
>Satan Suicide sacrifice, profeasting evil night<p>

TAKE ME!"

Finally after everyone had sung the song, they were dismissed and sent to bed. Harry and Hermione were so tired that they did not even see properly were they were going until they came to a stop in front of a portrait of a rather thin lady. Percy the prefect then told them the password 'constipation' and they all entered the Gryffindor common room. From there they both went their separate ways to their own dorm where they fell asleep the instant their heads touched their pillows, their dreams filled with Batman and weird hats.

**The Hats song is the goofy goober song from the sponge bob squarepants movie lol.**

**The school song is Sacrificial Suicide by Deicide.**

**Please R&R and thank you for reading.**


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